Guide for the Newly Perplexed: Banker to Psychotherapist: The real stress test

My friend is a psychotherapist. I asked him for advice when we began to develop Ageless-NorthShore.com. Particularly, I wanted his expertise regarding those of us over 50 who have to change jobs, change careers, or even un-retire.

He was very generous with his time and with his insights. He helped shape our going forward.

What I didn’t know about him was that he too had made a significant career change later in life. He began his professional life as a banker. When I asked to interview him, he agreed but asked that his real name not be used.

I never would have pegged him as a banker.

Roger’s family owned a Savings and Loan. In 1976, the family sold to Chicago’s First Federal Savings and Loan. As part of the agreement, he stayed on as a regional manager.

Although the “banks in crisis” story is very much in the news today, Roger went through some difficult times. Through the 80s and 90s, some 745 S & Ls closed, causing losses of $160 billion…most of which was paid for by tax payers. It was a turbulent time.

Roger worked as a regional manager for 7 years until Citibank bought First Federal. He worked for Citibank until 1988. Eventually, Citibank replaced many of the staff with bankers from New York.

And then…

He moved on to what became Comerica Bank of Detroit. While his professional life at Comerica was satisfying, there were questions in his personal life that he could not answer.

He had spent most of his life resolving the financial problems of his clients; he needed to understand his own issues.

Roger had divorced. Three of his five children suffered from depression. He wanted to make sense of his own unhappiness and that of his family. He went back to school in 1995. It took him five years to earn his Doctor of Psychology degree. This is a professional doctorate for those interested in pursuing clinical psychology.

What was it like being an “older student”?

There were some issues with young faculty but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. After nearly 30 years in the banking industry, he had faced more stressful situations than any doctorate program could offer.

After graduation he worked at a clinic. However, the bureaucracy and budget issues made it difficult for him to make an impact. He is now in private practice.

As we get older, we begin to question (or continue to question) our significance in the world. What have we accomplished while we are here? How do we characterize the journey?

Roger suggested I read some of the books by Irving Yalom , including Staring at the Sun, When Nietzche Wept, and Love’s Executioner.

Roger referenced Dr. Yalom’s concept of the ripples that we create as we live in the world.

I found this except in an interview Dr. Yalom gave on “Death Anxiety.”

So I think, we ripple on into others, just like a stone puts its ripples into a brook. That, for me, too, is a source of comfort. It kind of, in a sense, negates the sense of total oblivion. Some piece of ourselves, not necessarily our consciousness, but some piece of ourselves gets passed on and on and on.
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How do you feel about practicing on the North Shore? We have the reputation for being superficial and spoiled. Is your work meaningful?

Secret by Peggy Shearn

Roger told me about courageous patients with whom he works who struggle to put one step in front of the other. He feels tremendous satisfaction in being able to witness their struggles

Ultimately, Roger feels that his whole life has been a path to where he is now. Psychology delves into how we relate to the world, to our jobs, our families and ourselves. Roger’s career in banking and the challenges in his personal life brought him to a profession where he can help others cope with the stumbling blocks in their paths.

When a patient sees that “light bulb,” when they understand and integrate a personal insight, Roger can sense that their lives will change forever.

And he leaves the office “walking on air.”