The Give and Take of Jewish Marriage: A traditional view at Or Simcha

Rabbi Arnold Wolf once recalled that in the early days of Congregation Solel, a congregant was often invited to give a “personal expression” during worship services. He said, “and whenever the discussion was about marriage, the couple would almost always get divorced.”

Rabbi Moshe Raitman

So, there was some trepidation when we accepted the invitation of a friend to attend, Love and Intimacy The Jewish Way, at Wilmette’s Congregation Or Simcha on Saturday night, January 23.

Dr. Lisa Aiken

Dr. Lisa Aiken conducted the program. Besides having a psychotherapy practice, Dr. Aiken has written 9 books on Jewish topics including The Baal Teshuva Survival Guide. This is a practical handbook for Jewish women and men who are making a return to traditionally observant practice

Congregation Or Simcha’s Rabbi Moishe Raitman invoked the words of Rebbe Menachem Schneerson (1902-1994) the legendary leader of the Chabad-Lubavitch movement. Rabbi Raitman invited all to “come to my garden where every one is welcome.”

Dr. Aiken’s presentation referred to another garden…the Garden of Eden as a key to understanding the nature and tradition of Jewish marriage. Dr. Aiken suggested that Adam was not born strictly male. He was a conjoined/Siamese twin with male and female characteristics. The creation of Eve from Adam’s body created a yearning within each man and woman to unite. That then is the essence of Jewish marriage.

For singles, Dr. Aiken suggests that the key is not to ask “what you are looking for” but rather what you would be able to provide for your partner. Dr. Aiken offered these verses from Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet as a secular proof text.

My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,
The more I have, for both are infinite

The North Shore Jewish Center – Congregation Or Simcha is a four year old congregation that meets at the The Wilmette Community Recreation Center.  “Our goals are to create a warm, welcoming atmosphere for all Jews to explore their heritage in a non-judgmental environment; and to create a positive Jewish experience for everyone.” (orsimcha.com)

The practice of Congregation Or Simcha includes such traditions as having a mechitza or partition dividing men and women during worship services.  However, they concentrate on building community rather than dwelling on degrees of observance. Or Simcha calls itself an Ashkenazic (German/Eastern European traditions) congregation.

There are no dues or formal membership required. Rabbi Raitman suggests that there are concentric circles of involvement. Between 20 and 60 people attend Friday night or Saturday morning services and 100 people came to Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur services last year. Others attend programs like the Dr. Aiken’s presentation on Jewish Marriage and her Friday night program  “Women & Men – Different but Equal? Judaism as a Gender Experience”

After the lecture, we sat down to enjoy a Melaveh Malkah, a meal served at the end of Shabbat. As we were sitting down with our friends, Rabbi Raitman went around the tables and offered everyone a cup of soup.

“Did you have any soup? You have to try some soup.”

I did. It was very good.